Well I’m in trouble.
It was after school on the day I told Dennis that I had already decided who would be my escort for the evening party.
Somehow I didn't want to go back to the dormitory, so I was at a loss as I trudged through the streets around the school.
Why did I say such a thing?
I'd really like to change this kind of off-the-cuff rhetoric of mine, but I don't feel like it's going to change at all.
Originally, I had planned to go into the evening party alone.
Still, I don't mind, and I have a feeling that everyone will think that’s something I would do.
If I feel like dancing, I can ask someone to borrow a partner for a bit, or if I want, I can dance with other girls.
Touring the beautiful Arita mansion and eating delicious food. It should be a memorable night.
"I can't believe you're looking for a partner now."
After what I said, Dennis would feel responsible if I showed up at the party alone. I want to avoid that if possible.
"Oh, it's too bothersome …”
I couldn't help but chuckle as my true feelings spilled out and I climbed a small hill located on the east side of the academy.
From here, I could overlook the sword practice area of the knight course.
When I was in middle school, I used to come here with Tiana and the others to accompany Cornelia-sama to cheer for Julius-sama.
I sat down in the shade of a large tree, holding my knees.
My mother is a beautiful, cheerful, and very talkative person.
My family and all the craftsmen working in the workshop love her.
Of all four children, I was the only one who did not inherit her beauty, but I think I inherited her cheerfulness and talkativeness the most.
I have tried not to take the "coming-of-age ceremony" any more seriously than I have to.
It's not worth it to live in tears, worrying about a future you don't know.
Instead, it's much more beneficial to laugh and have fun every day, and that suits me better.
Of course, I knew that it would be quite tragic if I were to be mated with one of the particularly aggressive group of Imperial students who were still turning on us, so I was both upset and relieved when I found out that it was Dennis.
But now, I wish I had been paired with someone who had no contact with me prior, rather than my childhood friends.
Childhood friends who didn't see each other as anything more and were later forced to mate.
It's a very common outcome from all seniors.
Dennis and I weren't particularly close, but he was a kind, sincere, and a good person.
It was a shame that we had to graduate in such an awkward way just because we were mates.
I sighed heavily.
"Miss Ella?"
I heard a familiar voice behind me.
I turned around to see Marc standing there, working in his father's workshop.
＊
"I see, so it’s a soiree?"
After he sat down next to me and listened to my whole story, Marc said with his hands resting on his knees.
He said he was on his way back from a meeting with a dyer, and was carrying a large package.
Marc is five years older than me and has been working for his father for almost ten years now.
Nowadays, he seems to be in charge of organizing the workers, but when I was a kid, he was like a big brother to me, playing with me.
“Why don't you just go to the party by yourself?"
Marc is not an aristocrat, so his position is out of line with the Imperial education system.
"So, I can go alone, right? But that would bother my partner, wouldn't it?"
"It's such a hassle, being a noble. So? Do you really think nothing of the man who is your partner?"
I pushed Marc's shoulder as he suddenly poked me.
"Oh, come on. What are you talking about?
"I'm just saying, the Master and Mistress were worried about you. You see, Miss Berenice is of the generation that slipped through the coming-of-age ceremony, and the other girls finished the ceremony without much trouble. Ella-sama is the only one left who will be the victim of the coming-of-age ceremony.
"Victim?"
I sighed and held my knees.
Well, I guess that's how it looks from my fathers' point of view.
In the past, when the coming of age ceremony was instituted after the invasion of the empire, Father thought of giving up his title for the sake of his daughters.
But in the end, he couldn't let go of the title because it was too valuable to continue his business, even if it was a skeleton.
It was because I understood the struggles of my parents that I dared not take the coming-of-age ceremony too seriously in some respects.
I think.
Irina, Leni, and Tiana are fine …
After the ritual was over, the thoughts that had been locked away in the back of my mind finally surfaced.
The "coming of age ceremony" is a system that is so unreasonable.
So I decided to consider it a great success as long as I didn't dislike the person.
As long as it wasn't someone I disliked, all I had to do was just go through the day of the ceremony without a care in the world.
That would be enough, really, I had always thought so.
But I never thought that something like that could really happen to someone like Leni, who is mated to the person she loves.
I didn't know that such a dramatic thing like that could happen in real life, like the main character in a story.
I remembered the awkward expression on Dennis' face when he saw me during the day, and my heart clenched.
"Oh my God, I don't like to dwell on it. So, Marc, would you like to come to the party with me?"
"What? Why would I come to the Grand Duke of Arita's house? No way, I can' t. It' s not a social occasion."
"No, you can borrow some clothes from Father. You'll look like the son of a nobleman if you're dressed nicely. I'm sure you'll find plenty of delicious dishes. Please, Marc, you have to help me!"
I grabbed Marc's hands and leaned forward.
It's the same position I've been in since I was a kid, when I'm trying to force him to accept my requests.
Marc nodded reluctantly, looking annoyed as usual.
That's when it happened.
"If you're so troubled about who to go with, shall I go with you after all?"
I looked up to see Dennis stepping out from behind a tree, his voice indifferent.
＊
When Marc saw that Dennis had a sword in his hand, he turned pale and said, "I have work to do!" and left.
“I'm sorry, Marc is not used to looking at swords. I'll explain to him later that you were only here to practice and you never meant to draw your sword on him.”
“Do you like that guy, Ella?”
That guy.
I'm puzzled for a moment, then I laugh as if I've been played.
"Marc? No, not at all. Marc has always been more interested in my sisters. I have three sisters, and they are all quite beautiful. I was the only one who looked like my father. But now that I think about it, I think I liked him when I was about six years old. I was so happy to have Marc playing with me that I used to chase after him."
"Then I' ll escort you to the party, after all."
I was about to go on for a long time again, but he interrupted me.
I held my hair back as the wind became stronger and stronger.
I regretted not tying it up earlier.
Dennis is standing there, looking down at the arena, so I can't really see his expression.
"I'm sure everyone will be escorting their mates, so if we were to arrive separately, Cornelia-sama and the others would be very uncomfortable.”
"Yeah, that's true, that might be the case …"
Cornelia-sama and Tiana are both kind, so it would certainly be heartbreaking if I were alone.
I can't ask Marc for help anymore, and if I can't ask him because all the boys in my grade have mates, the only other person I can think of is Father.
“If I were to go with my father, everyone would laugh at me, which will become troublesome. Dennis, I'm sorry, but can I ask you to stay with me for the first hour?”
Sighing, Dennis looked back at me.
His purplish eyes were open and round.
“ … What's wrong? Did I say something funny? Oh, of course you can dance with the other girls when you get there.”
"No, you said it was okay for me to go with you."
Our conversation was turning bad.
"You don't like it? Don't worry, I'll try not to wear too many unflattering dresses. I won't wear anything too outlandish or revealing, so I'm sure you won't be embarrassed.”
“I never said that I was worried about that.”
His voice was loud. I was surprised. It was the first time I'd heard Dennis, who always seemed to be coordinating everyone without changing his expression, shout this loudly.
As if he was surprised himself, Dennis apologized in a small voice, and then looked at me again.
"I thought you didn't want to go with me."
"Why not? I never said that before."
"I don't know."
Dennis's cheeks flushed red.
"... At that time, Ella, you kept quiet during the middle. I thought you didn't like it very much."
"That time."
I repeated, realizing what time he was talking about, and I turned red too.
"What, that's not it !? It was because I felt that if I squealed any more, Dennis would lose motivation, and you see, I have no sex appeal at all, so I didn't want to scream or cry or make any weird noises, I was trying my best to keep my voice down!"
"What the hell?"
Dennis mumbled in a small voice and bent down on the spot.
"I guess because I was so slow, I would have ended up relying on your input the whole time. I thought I had upset you. And when the time came, you suddenly fell silent."
"Oh, really? I'm the one who thought I was talking too much, I was just trying to keep my voice down, okay?"
"... Besides, I'm sorry I left you in my room, I was so embarrassed and ashamed. I was actually going to walk you back to your dorm."
"What? Do you think so? I don't know, there's no way I can tell whether it all happened in a blur or not."
It was my first time," I continued, as I bent down next to him.
Dennis looked up, his face flushed.
"… I'm not good with words, so I don't mind listening to you. So I don't hate listening to Ella. It makes me feel comfortable. You can talk all you want in front of me."
This is the first time I've heard someone say that.
I was so surprised that I felt a soft warmth in the back of my heart, as if a small flame had been lit.
Dennis looked up and touched my hair in a reserved way.
Big hands. Hard palms. It was the hand of someone used to holding a sword.
It was only then that I finally noticed.
His hands, his neck, his jawline, everything.
Dennis is not thin at all. Not delicate. He has the body of a tanned, well-trained man, completely different from mine.
"Dennis."
"What?"
“Have you always liked me or something?”
“It would be better if I could say that was the case … but I'm sorry, I'm not sure.”
I laughed in spite of myself when he cut me off so quickly.
Oh, that's just like Dennis, I thought.
Dennis kept a serious face as he thought it over.
“I told you, I've never been in love. I've never been conscious of it, and I'm sure the Empire has robbed me of the opportunity to think about it. But …”
The hand that was stroking my head gently wrapped my cheek.
“But ever since that day, all I can think about is Ella. She's so self-deprecating, but she looks so cute to me, I wish she wouldn't talk like that.”
"You mean that? It's not just that your first time was surprisingly good and you're getting carried away with it.”
See, I say things like that again without thinking.
That's what's wrong with me. It's not cute at all.
But Dennis didn't get angry and nodded with a serious face.
"Maybe you’re right, maybe … because it was surprisingly good, I don't want to do it with anyone other than Ella, and the person I mentioned earlier is getting along with Ella. I was surprisingly jealous of myself. "
I'm not as beautiful as my sisters or all of my classmates.
The only thing I have going for me is that I can smile all the time.
“Dennis, what was the third step?”
“What?”
“You know, "step three" in your notebook, the one you skipped.”
Ah, Dennis smiled.
"To be sure of each other's feelings. I left it out of the ritual because I thought it was unnecessary, but it was the most important thing. Hey, Ella, do you think we can start over from there?"
Dennis's smile began to fade.
What's wrong? His surprised expression blurred behind my tears.
Is it possible that I'm crying?
I hate this, not crying is one of my good points.
Crying won't change anything.
Dennis gently wiped away my tears.
But maybe it's good to cry once in a while just to make sure that nothing changes.
I'm sure Dennis won't be dismayed.
I'm sure he'll wait for me to start talking again.
How happy I am.
How precious is that?
“Thank you, Dennis. Can I tell you what I've been thinking?"
Our happy life at the school was about to end.
It would be a few years before we started living together with our three children in the city of Hern.
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