Chapter 21: Performing the Ritual Again

(Small warning for non-consensual touching and kissing)

I noticed that I was sitting on the bed of a guest bedroom, on the second floor away from the Arita residence.
What a long night!
My body was tired and heavy.
I wanted to sleep quickly.

This morning, my mother and grandmother were helping me, busily dressing me, and Adele came to pick me up saying, "You look good in amber."
Such a day will never come again.
Because I trampled Adele's heart- his compassion- so messily.

A while ago, when the four of us were talking in the waiting room near the hall.
"I would be very happy if I was paired with Julius."
After I spoke, the room went silent.

"Tiana?-"
Adele spoke quietly.
"-Look up, look into my eyes, and say it again."
With my hand on my knee, I squeezed the nightgown, took a quick breath, and slowly looked up at Adele.
Looking at his eyes.
I loved being gazed at by those eyes; outlandish, strong, and lonely, but sometimes had a very gentle color in them.

Alright.
It was hard but I couldn't cry … too many times I’ve recoiled like that.

"You already know this, Adele? I've always liked Julius-sama."
I gently lift the corners of my mouth into a smile.
"I've been thinking recently that being with you was more comfortable than I expected, but in the end, you’re still not Julius."
It felt like my mouth, my words, my voice, and my heart were disconnected, disjointed.
Like being in an unrealistic space, unable to touch the ground.

“………”
Adele stared at me.
It's okay, Adele.
Adele is kind. Very kind, serious, and responsible.
But now, I have to follow my heart.
Adele will also get to be with whom he's always wanted.
“………………… Yes, that was the case.”
Suddenly, Adele breathed.
Stroking my head lightly.
“…………… I’m happy for you.”

The next time I looked up, Adele was already opening the door and I could only see his back.


I got up and went near the window.
After I gently opened the curtain, I could see the main building of the Arita residence over the large garden.
Some of the many windows are lit with gentle lights.
I know, somewhere.
Right now, Adele and Cornelia .........

I just …
I remember talking to Cornelia before Adele returned from Dirk's mansion.


＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊


--- “I have a proposition, Tia. I wonder if you can listen to it.”
Even after she spoke, her eyes flicked to me, then down or aside many times as if hesitating, then looked at me in resolve.
Her proposal was to return to the original pairing before Dirk had changed it.
Despite my frozen expression and surprise, she tried to reason.

Perhaps Dirk's father would not easily admit his son's guilt.
If we make a big deal out of this, the Empire will take notice of us, and it will hurt our future after graduation … especially, the futures of Adele and Julius who are active as Knights of the Empire.
If we were to make a mistake, we could end up imprisoned, like the 18-year-olds of the Principality, who once caused the "18-year-old rebellion."

Still, I didn't nod my head fervently.
I couldn’t do it.
Because it would mean losing Adele.
If I were to admit it. The last connection between Adele and I would be broken.

However.
Cornelia’s argument reached its final punch.
The last, thin, thin thread that supported me broke with a slam.

"And Tiana ………. I want to be Adele's pair.
Because I've always liked Adele. "


＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊


"Tia."
Suddenly there was a voice from behind, and I hurry to rub my eyes.
I shouldn’t. Before I could notice, tears began to overflow.
Already a shell of a person.
I don't even know if I’ll remember how to walk and breathe tomorrow.
However, I smile at Julius as he enters the room.

"It's been a long day, Julius …”
Julius had changed out of his formal attire and into loungewear; a soft cotton shirt and trousers. His ash-blonde hair glows dull under the lantern.

"I'm not tired at all. You must be exhausted, though."
Julius sat down on the bed and saw me standing by the window.
I'm sure he's also puzzled by this sudden situation.

"You must also be, Julius-sama. Are you going to sleep now? Then I'll get another room ..."
I answer quickly and head towards the door, my head was starting to spin.
Julius grabs my hand while sitting on the bed.

"Why?"
"Huh…"
While still holding on, he pulls my hand in a tight grip.
It was a strength that I couldn’t imagine from his pretty face, and my body was easily knocked over onto the bed face down, with Julius on top of me.
"Why do you underestimate me?"
Julius' beautiful fingers pinch the tip of my maroon hair and kiss it.
As I vaguely followed the long eyelashes that framed his downcast eyes, he suddenly raised his eyes to look at me, and they had the color of a man that I had never seen before.

Julius' lips gently trace the side of my eyes, following the streak of my tears.
His lips slowly fall to my cheeks and then to my jawline.
When I understood where the situation was heading, I reflexively pushed Julius' body back with both hands.

"Hold on … wait, Julius-sama …”
"It’s okay."
Julius whispers gently as he continues from the nape of my neck to my collarbone with his tongue.
"You know that, don't you, Tia? You may be a little confused at first, but with more physical contact, you’ll gradually get used to it."
Julius' hands hold my shoulders down.
The white and supple hands of his have such strength.
I should’ve known. Julius is competing for the chief of the Knight course, after all.

My arm loses power.
Yes, I didn't know this would happen.
Somehow, I don't care about anything anymore …
What is there to resist here?
I can see the lights of the main building outside the window.
In there, Adele and Cornelia are doing the same thing.

From the beginning, it was all a mistake.
Everything was wrong, and it shouldn't have happened …


When my pairing was announced to be Adele, I was so surprised that my heart almost stopped, and even though I was confused, I was certainly so happy that I could cry.

The day before the ritual, I scrubbed my skin until it turned red and raw, thinking that this was a dream.
While we did curse at each other in the beginning, I was so reluctant and embarrassed that I held my breath when I exposed my skin to Adele for the first time.
The feeling of Adele inside me.
Adele gulped as he looked down at me.
When I saw Adele across the corridor, I was so thrilled I held my breath.
At the library, he told me that amber looked good on me.
Adele's hand gently stroked my hair as I slept in the nurse’s office.
He ate the pastries I dropped and still called them, "delicious".
Our first kiss.
At the festival, we held hands and softly … we even kissed just to touch.


"Tia …”
Julius' hands holds my thighs under the nightgown, and his well-shaped lips touch mine.

No…………

"Tia?"

I push him back with all my strength; Julius, who was trying to kiss me, looked on in confusion.
"I'm sorry, Julius … I'm sorry ……….”
"It'll be okay, Tia."
"What do you mean……"
"I'm sure you'll forget about Adele."

----------! !! !! !! !! !!

I push Julius back, he rolls to the other end of the bed.
I landed on the ground, catching myself before Julius could raise himself up; as if he hadn't expected my moves and was confused, I jumped up and ran to the window with my momentum.

Opening the window, I turn around for a moment,

"Sorry!!"
I shout and slip out through the window.

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