(as much as I anticipated it, there is no snu snu in this oneshot)
"Sorry, Cornelia. I can’t do it … after all."
Beginning with a polite and gentle kiss, he took off my clothes as if he was handling a fragile object … Julius, who gently stroked my body, murmured quietly to me as I lay there … naked for quite some time.
I've had my eyes closed for quite a while now, and I'm prepared to hear that voice at any moment, so.
"It’s okay, Julius. Don't worry."
I think I’m saying it with a cheerful voice.
"Hey, I ordered a lot of dresses to wear at the evening party from my aunt's mansion … When they arrive, I'll invite everyone to show them off. I hope there's something that everyone likes."
As I got dressed, I continued to speak in a cheerful voice.
Julius is wearing a white shirt, showing his back to me. I push my hand through my sleeve.
Dark blonde hair glows dull in the light of the moon shining through the window.
His long lashes cast shadows on his cheeks, and his profile is as beautiful as the angel in the painting that hung in Arita Castle, where I used to live.
Fascinated by it, I didn’t notice when Julius raised his eyes, and he hurriedly looked down.
"Is there a lot of dresses? Will you be able to manage? Cornelia, you're not good at that kind of thing."
Julius smiled gently,
"It's okay, Tia will help me …”
Realizing that I had given Tia's name, I suddenly turned down.
Julius gently patted my head.
"I'll be there for the interview tomorrow, and I'll make sure to tell them what couldn't be done because of me. So don't worry about it."
As I leave the remote room, I hear the soft mutter of, "I'm sorry," the moment the door closed, tears spilled and I pressed the blanket against my face.
It would have been a lot easier if he'd said it was my fault.
I am Cornelia Arita.
The last princess of the Principality of Arita, a small country that ruled the region up until 12 years ago.
I believe my father was wise to accept the rule of the mighty Skinia Empire.
Even though I am the princess of an exiled country, I have lived a very happy 18 years.
The Principality of Arita has disappeared from the map, and we- the Arita family- who opened the gates, have no power left.
However, every former nobleman of the Principality still cared for me.
Protecting me since childhood, when I was often singled out by the sons of officials from the Empire.
Even though we witnessed the unreasonable "pairing system" of "coming of age rituals" that the Empire incorporated as part of the education system, no one blamed my father for his choice to accept the Empire.
"As long as Cornelia is around, the Principality of Arita cannot be destroyed."
Countess Tiana once told me so with a dazzling gaze in her eyes.
My heart was saved by that simple smile.
That's how I've lived for 18 years, protected from hardships thanks to everyone around me.
I should be guilty, but I’ve only been protected. This must be y punishment.
I'm in a situation where I can't talk to anyone about this, where the person I love just won't embrace me.
"Cornelia-sama, I made these pastries very well yesterday. Would you like to try?"
Tia cheeks flushed as she offered me a small packet.
Tiana has been cute since the beginning, but recently … I think she’s become more lovely.
Her deep green eyes shine and her cheeks are rosy.
"Thank you. By the way, Adele came to look for you yesterday. Did you meet properly?"
Tia's cheeks turn bright red, perhaps because she remembered something.
"Oh, yes … uh, thank you!"
So pretty.
I smile without notice.
Ever since I was a kid, Tia’s always rushed to my side to protect me.
I've been aware since long time ago that she was obedient, her thoughts were easily expressed on her face, and that she liked Adele Berger.
And Adele, for some reason decide to compete with Julius for position as my Knight, but I've already noticed that he’s always looking for Tia with his eyes.
So I was very happy to know that they were paired.
Yes, I was purely happy.
I never …… should have been so wicked as to think that this would make Julius look at me instead of Tia.
Julius Khan. The Khan family has served the Arita family as their Knight captains for generations.
Julius and I are the same age and were raised together like siblings*.
In the beginning, when he was really young, Julius was so beautiful that I thought he was a girl. Even now, he is as beautiful as a sculpture decorated in a palace.
Julius knows me so well.
Even if I were to keep silent, he would understand everything first, before I could.
Taking my hand, trying to protect me from getting hurt. I don't feel comfortable. He's always willing to do my bidding..
After losing the Principality, I think my father and mother were mainly worried that I, who was a princess, would end up with a man through the pairing system who they wouldn’t approve of.
I think their long-standing worries have been resolved in their most ideal way.
My partner is Julius.
I'm sure, like the other girls, I couldn't help but be worried about who the other person would end up being. So when I found out that my partner was Julius, I felt like I had wings on my back and I could fly into the sky.
But.
I greeted the "Adult Ritual" with a sense of excitement.
And so on until yesterday night, when I tried for the third time.
Julius never embraced me …
"Yeah … it didn't work last night …”
At my report, the teacher frowned and sighed.
I feel so sorry, I can't help but shrug the feeling off.
Julius said that he would take care of it, but he can't just leave it at that.
I came to the doctor who had been asking me questions since the beginning.
The teacher brews hot tea.
"Sorry … I'm sorry for the inconvenience."
“Hey, it’sokay, I can't say it out loud, but it happens every year. It's normal. Of course, it's not public knowledge that it does.”
Certainly, if it were to become public, everyone will become aware that you can fail.
It will create a challenging attitude towards teh "Adult Ritual" as opposed to feeling like there is no other choice.
And that's not what the Empire wants.
In fact, the only people aware that we are not doing well are the medical professionals in charge, our parents would never dream that I am still in a clean body.
However, if this continues … eventually, an administrative officer will be called in …
My heart tightens.
The teacher tries some words of encouragement.
“Don't worry too much over it. These things are very much influenced by the mind. There are so many times when your body is ready, your head is ready, but your heart is not up to the task.”
My heart is not catching up ……………
I wonder if it's Julius.
I leave the teacher’s office and head home.
I'm sure the dresses have arrived from my aunt’s by now.
I have to get everyone together and … dress up.
I've always wanted to have a night party.
The Principality of Arita disappeared when we were six years old.
The last days of the Principality were very hectic and there was no such thing as evening parties, and we have very little memory of … such glamorous nights.
That's why.
With the duchy gone, and under the rule of the Empire, everyone still cared for me and spent their school life with me.
I wanted to spend one last joyful night with them..
That's why I asked Julius to arrange it for me.
From the carriage, the evening sky was blurred from my tears.
But the truth is.
Maybe I just wanted to dance with Julius at the soiree, protected and loved, like a princess and a knight-errant.
I just wanted to use everyone as an excuse to dream of myself being … needed by Julius.
I'm sorry, Julius.
You are a very kind but … slightly naive.
I’m aware.
But I pretended not to notice, and I was happy to be near you all the time.
From the time the Principality existed, and even after it was destroyed.
I've been taking it for granted that you're by my side, I've taken my heart for granted that you're bound to me, and now that we're mated, you're trapped by me, including your future.
"I’m sorry……"
Tears fall to my knees.
Tiana was the only girl in our grade to win admission to the Imperial Graduate School in the largest city.
It is very understandable that Julius, who is bound to my existence, admires her for deciding what she wants to do and taking off lightly to achieve it.
It's much closer to love than what's directed at me.
What should I do? What can I do for Julius …
Please, God, tell me what I can do for Julius.
What I can do to make him happy.
If there is anything, I … I will do anything.
The carriage slowly began to climb the hill to the mansion.
(yes, this is how it ends)
*this originally translated to twins but I decided to change it, it still gets the point across that they were raised familiarly.
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